i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
