I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
