can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
