Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
