I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
