how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
