She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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