Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
