Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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