My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
