You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
