At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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