Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
