yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
