u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
