i permit you to call me
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
