I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
