is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
