Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
