I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
