Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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