Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just want to make out with him forever
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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