This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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