its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
