Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
