I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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