your parents love me but you hate me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
