I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
