i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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