the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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