marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
