oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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