just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
