were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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