someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
