if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got inside last night via doggy door
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
