paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
