don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
