One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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