chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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