congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
