I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
