If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
