I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
