Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
