I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
