I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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