Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
