As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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