I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i think i just lost a toe
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
