did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
