Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You are the jesus of drinking
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
