You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
